The Discovery of Negaholism

A Brief History

In October 1974, Dr. Carter-Scott, Negaholic Specialist, started an organization that helps people discover their own answers to challenging situations in their lives. She was and is a catalyst for individuals to reflect within themselves in a safe environment to determine what they want.

Her first client was a friend and business-owner who wanted her to help him sort out his priorities and strategize his plan. He was so pleased with the results of the session that he told friends and associates about the marvelous session he had with Dr. Carter-Scott. The phone started ringing off the hook with requests from people asking for help with their careers, relationships, living situations, and their future plans.

The process is similar to prying open an oyster and finding a pearl inside. The treasure – the answer – always resides within, but it is often camouflaged by layers of confusion, doubt, uncertainty, and fear. The challenge is to penetrate through the layers of “I don’t know” and pierce through to the “I know”: the pearl within.

As she began “coaching” she found her client’s results astonishing. Every person without exception found his true answers within himself. “True” answers have a ring that feels right even if they defy logic. This does not mean the “right” answers which sound good, or the ones you produce to obtain the approval of others, but those that feel right in your gut. The process was simple and profound.

Workshops and seminars were created to help people find the saboteur within, to exercise the menace of negativity, to assist people in overcoming negativity, and to set out on a course of self-love, support, and self-empowerment.

During the past thirty years, Dr. Carter-Scott has conducted workshops around the world that have focused on the individual and his/her ability to grow and flourish in life. In addition, these programs have helped people with their interpersonal communications so that they are more effective, both on and off the job. Dr. Carter-Scott has coached individuals in one-to-one sessions as well as in group workshops. Today she is considered America's leading Negaholic Specialist. The same essential objectives were asked consistently:

• How can I have what I want in my life?
• How can I have the job that utilizes my abilities and skills, gives me a sense of satisfactions, and rewards me monetarily?
• How can I have the intimate relationships that I want?
• How can I have the home environment that I want?
• How can I have the body that I want?
• How can I feel good about myself?
• How can I have my business the way that I want it?
• How can I design the life that makes me feel as if my dreams have come true?

The process has three parts:
1. Determining and/or clarifying what you want,
2. Strategizing an action plan,
3. Being supported in the realization of the dream.

There is a definite beginning, middle, and end to every coaching challenge. We are not so much interested in the “why” or the “how” as the “what.” What do you want? What does it look like? What will it take? What do you need to get there? The process is therapeutic rather than therapy. It is not long term, but short term. It is the solution-oriented.

The process is so utterly simple that it boggles the mind, because at its very essence is safety, nurturing, and encouragement. The process presumes nothing, it reverses the roles of student and teachers, of audience and actor, or spectator and participator. The consultant/facilitator is not an expert but rather a catalyst for discovery, an agent of change, a midwife aiding you in birthing the YOU that you truly want to become.

Abraham Maslow, known as the father of modern motivational theory, based his famous work Motivation and Personality on his studies of people as psychological specimens. His theory asserts that individuals are more capable, rational, and self-reliant than previous theories had suggested. The central core of his thesis is that man is an ever-evolving creature. As one want gets satisfied, another surfaces, and he goes to the next level. In his “hierarchy of needs” chart, he showed a five-stage progression-from survival, security, and belongingness, to self-esteem and finally self-actualization.

Having worked with clients throughout the United States, varying in age, sex, race, financial status, and lifestyle, she has found it to be obvious that, although their concerns span a broad spectrum, they follow quite literally the progression outlined in Maslow’s chart. There is little similarity between the person who is concerned about basic survival issues such as where he is going to get his next meal, where he will sleep, how he will clothe himself, and the person who is focusing on a career change, a divorce, or life purpose. I have found one consistent, all-pervasive theme that appears to be a major issue to all people regardless of their life condition, status in society, or background.

This fundamental issue has been the source of the majority of my clients’ concerns. It is so subtle, so elusive, so evasive that most people don’t know what to call it or how to address it. The issue I am referring to has been given many names, including, “the voice in my head,” “self-talk,” and “mind chatter.”
Ask yourself if you have heard a chattering in your head, which in essence was talking to you. See if you can recall a dialogue within your heard which was either commenting about your or others. If you have, then you are like the vast majority of adults you inhabit our society.

The concept of negaholism is the result of many years of research, trial and error. All the techniques found in this book have been used by my clients and workshop participants to conquer negaholism and in overcoming negativity.

Conquering negaholism, or overcoming negativity, is what this book is about. It was written to provide you with the tools, tactics, strategies, and ammunition that will allow you too, to conquer your negaholism and embark upon the road to a happy and joyous life, filled with everything you want.

Negaholism is about discovering the voices in your head, getting them under control, and either abolishing them or having them work to your advantage. The voices tend to operate as if they had a life of their own, and often act in a diminishing or self-sabotaging manner.

Negaholism is a theory of human behavior that will help you stand up for yourself, claim your right to be a happy person, capable of telling the truth about what you’re feeling what you want, and to learn how:

• to meet the “I cant’s” head-on without cringing
• to fortify the “I cans” and build them into a force to be reckoned with
• to have the “I cans” running your life
• to ward off future negattacks
• to maintain a healthy self-image so that negattacks are unlikely or abolished
• to get what you want in your life

Where Do Addictions Originate
There are three elements that create the conditions conducive for addictions.
1) Overwhelm is experienced in individual
2) Stress resulting from the overwhelm
3) Insufficiency or feeling unable to meet the challenges that are presented. For example, “I’m not smart enough to do the task, not skilled enough to do the job, not attractive enough to have the relationship, not athletic enough to participate in the competition, not worthy enough to be really loved by a wonderful person, not intelligent enough, not sexy enough, not good enough, not powerful enough, etc.” The list can continue indefinitely, but the underlying feeling is that you aren’t enough of what you need to be, and therein lies the conflict. This is the origin of the “I can’t” person. The feeling of insufficiency is rarely addressed for what it is, and is most often avoided, we pursue remedies to fill the void and alleviate the emptiness. We attack the symptom and avoid the root cause. When you become addicted to negativity, you relinquish your power and become obsessed with something external to you. You believe something outside yourself is the solution to your problems. Your focus becomes increasingly external. The item becomes the answer that makes you feel better, relieves your stress, and solves your immediate overwhelm. As an addiction develops, you begin to see it as a panacea to life’s problems and your behavior becomes increasingly compulsive. You eliminate other alternatives and become consumed by the addiction. When other people become concerned, critical, or meddlesome, you deal with their responses to your behavior by camouflaging your activities. You start with vagueness, then evolve to mild cover-ups, and finally escalate your deception so that you are telling out-and-out lies.

The Addictive Personality Traits

There are commonalities which people share that are under stress, come from dysfunctional homes. The ten addictive personality traits are:

1. Type “A” personality: drive, ambitious, competitive, hard-driving
2. Impulsive: sensation-seeking, exploratory, and a risk-taker
3. Compulsive: overly orderly, perfectionistic, and conscientious in the performance of activities
4. Quick-tempered, excitable, and irascible
5. Self-confident, uninhibited, energetic, and hyperactive
6. Rigid in thinking: a binary approach to life
7. Extremely sensitive to pain, as well as susceptible to physical anxiety
8. High novelty-seeking and low harm-avoidance
9. Sentimental and moody, with a propensity toward mood swings
10. Dependent on extrinsic rewards for self-validation: wealth, power, possessions, prestige, social acceptance

The Key Elements Which Underlie All Addictive Behavior
Whether you are a negaholic who is addicted to daydreaming, dogs or drugs, there are certain characteristics that underlie all addictive behavior

Immediate gratification. All addictions produce instant gratification. You feel better as a result of your involvement with the substance or process in which you indulge. It is enjoyable to experience the altered state (at least temporarily).

Simplistic thinking. You believe that “it” will make everything all right. You believe that “it” is a panacea capable of inducing positive psychological, emotional, and physical states, as well as relieving negative ones.

Skewed perspective. Your perspective becomes skewed and inaccurate. You are unable to perceive reality accurately. You begin to see people and situations as exaggerations of what they normally are.

Distorted priorities. Your priorities become distorted, and you become consumed and obsessed with your addiction as the most important thing in your life, above and beyond everything else.

Symptoms of withdrawal. As soon as you are deprived of the substance or the process, adverse consequences appear immediately. You experience unpleasant physiological, psychological, and/or emotional symptoms. You experience trauma at the thought or reality of separating from your addiction.

Overwhelming attachment. You are so dependent upon the addiction that you feel unable to function without it. A need/dependency relationship evolves between you and your addiction. You end up needing it to be happy and your well-being is contingent on having it available to you.

Loss of power. You feel powerless to alter you situation. You have relinquished your power to something or someone outside yourself. The situation has become bigger than you are, and you are unable to effect a change. You are a slave to your addictions.

Binary thinking. You are a victim of binary thinking. You view situations as black or white, either/or, right or wrong, good or bad, on or off, wonderful or awful. Life is perceived as a zero sum game in which the pendulum swings between two polar opposites with no happy medium.

Progressive and consistent stages of involvement. You need greater quantities of the addictive substance to satisfy the need within. You have built up a natural immunity, and in order for your addiction to have an impact you need increasing exposure. These stages include initial use, continuation of use, transition from use to abuse, cessation, control of abuse, transference to another addition, and, in three-quarters of the cases, relapse.

Everyone has habits and/or addictions (to varying degrees). To some extent, we could all be called addicts. The reason is that we live in an addicted society. Think for a minute. Who do you know who isn’t addicted to something? It might not be life threatening, but do you know anyone who isn’t addicted to sugar, caffeine, cigarettes, worrying, or exercise?

Everywhere you turn in society, there is encouragement, which reinforces the premise of insufficiency. There is always a promise of an answer residing in an external solution that will solve all immediate problems. These problems may be tension, anxiety, stress, depression, headaches, constipation, poor self-image, lack of sex appeal, rejection by peers, traumatic love relationships, or whatever, but the advertising which bombards us daily tells us that there is an answer-you can buy it, feel better, and get relief, if only temporarily. Addictive behavior is when a person forms an attachment to something and believes that his well being is contingent upon its perpetuation.

Addictions by definition are self-destructive. They erode self-esteem and cause gradual help problems, and impairments in social, occupational, physical, emotional, or spiritual functioning. In a sense, all addictions are displays of negaholism. Our society condones addictions.

So much of the social fabric of everything we do involves the acceptance of addictive thinking and behavior that we have become almost unaware of it.

Why Do People Become Addicted?

Over the years, a series of different theories have developed concerning the origin of addictive behavior. The most traditional one suggests that the individual is lacking in willpower or moral character, and is unable to control his behavior. The second theory presents addition as an illness. This theory removes the moral, judgmental stigma previously associated with addictive behavior. It releases the addicted person from personal responsibility and enables him to seek treatment without embarrassment or humiliation.

The biological theory regards addiction as evolving from a genetic, metabolic, or biochemical disorder. From this perspective all addictions are viewed as physiologically based. The final theory proposes that addiction is a behavioral issue. Addictions are seen as learned behaviors, the result of past experiences and current circumstances. This theory presumes that everyone has power over his own destiny, and suggests that each person can control his behavior if he learns how to modify it.

All these theories are valid in their own right. No one theory is valid exclusively, but all are interdependent. There are an abundance of case studies that justify each theory. None of them are mutually exclusive.

The one underlying factor that binds them together is the opiate peptides: B-endorphins, B-lipotropin, and enkephalin. These substances, which are naturally secreted in the body, create a natural high, a feeling of euphoria. This feeling is addictive. Whether it is naturally induced or chemically induced, the result is the same: relief from anxiety, peace, well being, and a temporary experience of complete and total euphoria. This feeling is addictive!

Now we get to the curious part: How does self-negation relate to euphoria? If you are a negaholic, every time you criticize, judge, or invalidate yourself, you release opiate peptides into your system. The rush that you feel when you punish yourself is exciting, albeit negative. People want to stop beating themselves up, but, in fact, they feel unable to do it. Why? Here is the way the addictive pattern takes hold.

Summary of key elements:
1) The need for attention
2) The inability to give or receive positive attention
3) The ingrained habit of focusing on what is wrong
4) The opiate peptides - chemical rush when being severely criticized
5) The simultaneous feel bad, coupled with the significant amount of attention (feel good)
6) The addictive pattern takes hold, and one becomes a Negaholic!

Let’s take an example. You are late once again for an appointment and you hear, “I can’t believe you’re late! You should have left earlier. You knew what time you should have left and you blew it. He is probably going to leave, and it will take months to get another appointment with him. He is going to be standing around waiting for you, and you’re not there. How inconsiderate of you. You really have no concept of time. You’re always late. You’ll probably blow the whole deal. After all the work you have put into this deal, and now you go and screw it up by being late. You idiot! Can’t you do anything right? Maybe you should get out of this line of business, since you can’t manage your time. You’re hopeless!”
Now let’s explore the feelings you have just felt while reading this.
• Did it sound familiar?
• In the past, have you heard a voice in your head talking to you in this way about something you did or didn’t do?
• Does this happen repeatedly with some item?
• Has it happened more that three time with the same situation?

You may have identified with it, heard some similarities, but stop for a minute and notice your feelings. Did you feel anything? If you felt something, what was it? Tune in and notice.

You may have felt a sensation in your chest-constriction, pressure, heat, a rush, increased heart rate.

Did you feel important?

Were you getting a lot of attention (albeit negative)?

Did you feel self-consumed?

Were you preoccupied with your situation, your plight, your personal drama?
Did you feel like the leading man or woman in your movie (soap opera)?
Did you feel bad yet, in a strange way, almost good, all at the same time?
The obvious conclusion would be never to be late again and there by avoid the cycle of self-punishment forever. But the reality of the situation is that you, who have just been mean to yourself, have successfully reinforced all of the behaviors that you wanted to eliminate. You probably will be late again, maybe even habitually.
You have just acted out negaholism. You acted in a self-sabotaging manner. You tormented yourself mercilessly for something that was not a capital offense. You behaved in an addictive way in that you were unable to control your actions; you were powerless in the situation; your priorities became distorted; your perspective became skewed; you had a sense of immediate gratification and you were unable to stop the behavior at will. You experience the opiate peptides. The adrenaline rush was in full force. This is self-destructive behavior, and you will continue to perpetuate it, not because you want to, but because you cannot stop it. You are addicted!

Your obvious comment is: “Yeah, but being hard on yourself is not a euphoric state. How do you explain that?”

Physiologically speaking, “being hard on yourself” is not in and of itself a euphoric state, but the feeling that is created as a result of the release of opiate peptides like enkephalin, a pituitary hormone which is released into the blood, is similar to endorphins which one experiences when running. The preoccupation with self, the feeling of self-consumption, self-importance, and the huge amount of attention (even though negative) you received creates a state that feels “wonderfully awful,” deliciously disgusting, ecstatically agonizing. Self-flagellation is the ultimate oxymoron.

To feel is to experience being alive; to feel the life force coursing through your veins. To feel and experience anything means that you are not dead. So you run into a situation in which you are at cross-purposes: Part of you does anything in your power not to feel, since feelings have been labeled forbidden, while the other part of you is longing to feel something, anything, in order to confirm the fact that you are alive.

The insufficiency, emptiness, and deep-seated feelings in inadequacy, fear, and loneliness which are rooted deeply in your self-concept are satiated and validated every time the mean mechanism clicks into gear. It is as if the reaction of self-cruelty is an appropriate response to your lack of self-worth. The self-punishment is seen as a kind of atonement for the “wrongdoing” that the person has perpetrated simply by existing. Taking yourself to task, forces you to toe the line and behave properly in the future. This backfires, since the negattack reinforces the pattern.

When you grow up in a dysfunctional home, and as a result have a low self-concept, you draw to you a negativity that reinforces your self-image and gives you the ammunition with which to hurt yourself. Every time you do this, you restimulate the rush of opiate peptides which give you the feeling of self-importance and attention. The more you negate yourself, the more negative attention you receive, the more you are addicted to feeling bad, being negative, and reinforcing your negaholism.

Feelings play a key role in transcending your negaholism.